Doxycycline Round 2 - December, 2009

I am on doxycycline for a week and already my headache and backache are gone. Today is Day 3 of my period and I have NO SYMPTOMS, other than the lovely yeast infection that has descended upon me b/c of the antibiotics. I have experienced them before, but nothing could have prepared me for the special agony of this. However, I am so grateful again that I have no muscle inflammation, no vomiting, no fever, no pain, and I can get out of bed! My sleep patterns are still interrupted, but it took 2 weeks last time on the doxy to regulate. I am now also completely off all other medicine. I stopped taking Zoloft about 2 weeks ago, and have found that the depression has not started to creep back in. That is a huge relief. I am beyond happy to only be on one medicine now. Some days I think I might actually get better, and fantasize about being back at the gym working out!

When I was living in Los Angeles, and particularly towards the end before I left and was getting more and more sick, I constantly felt like a salmon swimming upstream. The smallest effort seemed enormous. Maybe it was the obnoxious traffic, the relentless sun, the air reeking of desperation, the need to be in a constant state of pursuit of something completely ambiguous. All of that contributed to me pushing harder and harder, ignoring how sick I was getting. And for what? I read a Buddhist proverb on the side of my green tea box, "If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep walking." When I am willing to give over to the idea that this is where I am supposed to be right now, and allow myself to just be sick and deal with healing, everything suddenly seems easier. It is such a relief to just go with the current. And yet, I still think about acting and how much I miss it. It is hard to hear about my friends and their continuing pursuit of their creative lives. I don't know what the future holds for me in that capacity right now.

KG gets tested in 2 days, which will be 3 weeks since he was bitten. I am anxious and upset about this. I don't even know what test they are doing on him, and I know it is going to go to Quest. I know it will most likely come back negative, and then what?