Monday, April 26, 2010

Trying to march forward in life with lyme disease

My new lyme doc, Dr. B., wants to take blood every week for the next few weeks to see if he will get a positive lyme result back. Today is my 3rd week in this process and I am going there today to get more blood taken. Meanwhile, I do not feel well again. I am tortured by insomnia, nightmares, alternately sweating and freezing during the night, muscle aches & twitches, and a constant, slight feeling of pressure around my head. Despite this, I determinedly march forward in my life. I take a trip to NYC with a good friend to see some Broadway shows. We see Billy Elliot, the musical. It is magical. For a couple of hours I completely forget that I don't feel well and am transfixed by the music and energy on stage. The actors are having so much FUN, and it makes me ache for that feeling in myself again. Everything has felt so heavy in the last year.

I am given the opportunity to attend a casting workshop with a successful casting director. I'm excited for the opportunity but also nervous because I have been out of the loop audition wise for a year. The night before I barely sleep; tossing, turning and sweating. I am like a zombie the morning of the workshop. I am determined to go anyway, because I so want my life back. It is informative but when it is my turn to perform a scene the casting director's feedback is that I am "very low energy and seem defeated." It is hard to hear this, but I know he is right. I AM defeated sometimes. I'm disappointed afterwards and really just want to give up on everything. It is a wake up call that I am not ready for life to come swarming back in yet. I need to accept this and continue to do everything I can to get better.

I continue to coordinate a local screening of the lyme disease film Under Our Skin. May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month, so I want to try to get it screened during that month. It looks like I may have gotten a location to do so! I will post the information when I have the details confirmed.

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